Are you the type of person that is always wondering what someone else is thinking? Or, always assuming they’re negatively judging you? Or constantly worrying that you aren’t good enough? Or wondering if what you think they’re thinking is what they’re thinking?
Ay yie yie, right?!
Maybe you’ve even be doing this unconsciously without really realizing it, because it’s such an engrained habit, to constantly be outside of yourself trying to figure out what other people are thinking, and to make sure they’re thinking good things about you.
So you spend a lot of time and energy wondering about what they’re thinking, coming up with the worst case scenario, wondering if you appeared a certain way, trying to figure it all out…
Ahhh!! It’s so tiring.
So what can you do to quit this tired game? Here are five things to consider:
#1 They’re likely not thinking about you (at least, not as much as you think)
Here’s the thing: Most people don’t really care what you said, how you looked, what you did… And it’s not that they’re being mean or unloving, or that they don’t care about YOU. It’s just, they don’t care in the ways you’re assuming. (It’s almost not humanly possibly because of the amount of energy it would take.)
When you’re worried what someone else is thinking about you, you’re assuming they’re thinking about you A LOT more than they probably actually are. Chances are, they have their own things they’re dealing with.
And chances are, if you’re here on my blog, you also tend to be really hard on yourself. So you assume the worst… Perception is a funny thing – What you could be telling yourself is awful, another person could actually be viewing as a positive thing.
For example, maybe you thought, “What I said was so stupid. It wasn’t funny!” or “I don’t look good enough,” and you ASSUME the other person thinks this, partially because it appears matter of fact in your head. But the truth is, they could just as easily be thinking that your joke was endearing, or your imperfections are beautiful.
#2 If they are judging you, who they’re truly judging is themselves
The truth is, it takes insecurity or self-judgement to judge others. So if someone actually IS judging you (and it’s not just in your head), then feel free to let that roll off your shoulders – It truly doesn’t matter. Who they’re actually judging is themselves. Think about it this way: Imagine an experience when you felt on top of the world, or even a moment in time. During that experience or that moment, were you judging others? My guess is no, because that’s not something activated inside yourself or being cultivated in those moments.
#3 It’s a total waste of your energy a.k.a. you’ll never truly solve the mystery
You can literally never FULLY know what someone is thinking. I repeat, never. Even if they explained it to you, you’re not in their head. Everything we experience goes through so many filters (emotionally, physically, based on our history, based on our beliefs…) that even if they clearly explained it to you, you could understand it to a degree but never experientially. You’re in your body, not theirs.
Also, what’s the point? I mean, what will it really change? If you figured it out one way or another, would you necessarily feel better? And if you would feel better, do you really need to know what they’re thinking in order to do so? That power is INSIDE of you, not outside.
It takes a lot of energy to constantly be analyzing. And the opposite is true too – When you let go of that need to “figure out”, and instead show up from a place of connection to yourself and TRUSTING, it gives you a lot of energy.
#4 When you go outside yourself, you disconnect
Which brings me to my next point. If your focusing in this external way, you give away your power. You move away from who you truly are, and disconnect from all the magical amazingness that is uniquely YOU. There is no one in the world like you! So when you refocus internally to what YOU think, how you feel, what’s important to YOU, you begin to reconnect to yourself. If you practice this, you’ll start to feel more energy, and more flow in showing up easily as yourself.
#5 Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Lastly, ask yourself this question: “What’s the worst that could happen?” No matter WHAT anyone is thinking, what real effect does it have? What’s really the worst that could happen? Is it going to kill you? Emmmmm… no. It’s not.
In fact, likely the worst that could happen is close to nothing. I can tell you this with utmost certainty – it really doesn’t matter.
Do you want to spend your precious energy caring what someone thinks, trying to figure it out, worrying if it’s negative, and disconnecting from who you truly are?
Or would you rather be filled with energy because you’ve learned to connect with yourself and live from a place of love and being true to you?
There are two options and I highly recommend the second 😉
p.s. If you’d love some support with this, I’m offering complimentary Discovery Sessions – We’ll meet 1:1 via phone or Skype to dive deep, for 60-minutes of coaching time dedicated to YOU and what you’re wanted to transform and create. You can sign up here. What have you got to lose besides maybe some worry?