A few years ago, I was going through a pretty dark time in my life. Actually, things were just starting to get really good, but at the same time, in certain aspects of my life I felt like I was at the bottom of dark well, unsure how to get out.
Even though my life was starting to blossom in the most magical ways (with an amazing relationship, a new business, and living in a new city), I was concurrently beginning to feel some of the deepest depths of fear, panic, and anxiety that I’d ever felt.
And I believe it’s exactly because things were getting so good, that all this metaphorical mud was kicked up internally within me.
And I have the sneaking suspicion that I’m not the only one who has ever experienced this. In fact, I know I’m not. I hear it from other women around me, and was just supporting a close friend of mine with this exact thing this past week.
When things get good, we’re asked to expand in order to hold the capacity for more goodness in our life.
And sometimes that expansion can bring up fear, doubt, and anxiety.
Even though it was the beginning of something amazing, there was still intense fear and anxiety. I had more things coming in to my life that I cared about, and thus, more things that the scared part of me had to be scared about losing.
It was up to ME to choose faith, and to decide how I was going to navigate this very challenging time in my life, and these difficult emotions.
It was up to me, at times, to say “I’ve had enough!” to this voice, and simply remove myself from the internal conversation.
And it was NOT easy. There were many days (most of them actually) where I would wake up, and as soon as my brain could come to, my mind would begin searching (and easily find) the things I “needed” to worry about, obsess on, or fear for.
I had created a habit of worry and anxiety, rather than a habit of peace, faith, and trust.
So when I had the blessing to support a dear friend this past week with this very thing, I knew I had to share with you as well.
Here is what I shared with her:
You gotta feel it. You have to feel the intense emotions of fear and anxiety moving through you – this intense discomfort and pain.
And then keep going.
For awhile it felt like everyday I just had to pull myself up by my bootstraps and remind myself, “No one is gonna do this for you Angie.” And I had to do the difficult work of practicing peace, even when my emotions told me otherwise. It’s in small choices and actions – what you choose to affirm and focus on, and what you allow to be the decider of your actions (the fear emotions? or your higher self and values…)
This voice comes through so harsh and feels so real. But with time you become so strong and so aware of the truth of this voice – that it’s just a part of you that’s scared! That’s all!
It is not telling you facts, but just trying really hard to protect you. It seems messed up, but that’s really what it’s trying to do. I think it’s actually here to help us grow stronger in our truth and knowing of who we really are. I’ve been in this exact place so you can trust me when I say that NONE OF IT IS TRUE. But what’s more important is that you dig deep within yourself to touch the part of you that is ACTUALLY the true you. This part that feels how much suffering this is causing, and also knows that YOU ARE PERFECT, YOU CANNOT MESS THIS UP, YOU ARE DIVINELY SUPPORTED IN ALL WAYS, all IS well.
It’s deeply painful to allow it, and so scary to not try to fix it. (When we try to fix it we just give it more energy.) But it’s where we build our strength and declare to the world that we are choosing our Truth with a capital T, even when it feels so far away or so challenged by these other “facts” or thoughts. So breathing through it and allowing it – and sometimes it becomes too much and we have to take a break, and that’s ok too.
Every time you choose to let it be and move through you, you do become stronger and more connected to your truth, and this pattern becomes weaker. The foundation of it gets chipped away from. The energy it has dwindles. So in those moments where you can dig deep and TRUST and have FAITH that even THIS is ok – those moments matter. They’re cumulative, and over time, it becomes your norm to instantly tune into surrender, faith, and trust.
I hope that this brings some light to you, if you’re feeling that voice grow louder. It may be that a lot of goodness is coming in to your life. You may be being asked to expand in your capacity to receive it, and to know you’re worthy of it.
When the fear, anxiety, or doubt comes up, remember to breathe. Dig deep within yourself and connect with what actually matters to you, and what you WANT to happen. Feel into THAT. Overtime, rather than fearing and worrying about what you don’t want to happen, you’ll create new habits of imagining what you desire coming true.
It feels a WHOLE lot better, and is WAY more effective.
Give it a try, and I’d love to hear how it’s going and any questions you have in the comments below. ❤
Sending love and light,