A breakdown always precedes a breakthrough.
I’m going through a massive upleveling in my life right now. And you want to know what’s helping me most? Letting the breakdown happen.
You see, this isn’t my first rodeo.
I can see a breakdown / transformation / growth process happening from a mile away now.
It wasn’t always the case. Years ago, when I was struggling with an eating disorder, it literally took me YEARS before I would even admit it to MYSELF. And until I would do that, nothing could happen except for the disorder growing bigger and stronger.
And I moved through that. I worked my ass off. I figured it out, I healed, I completely transformed and broke free, removing layer by layer the shit on top of me holding me down and keeping me IN it, stuck and trapped.
There were multiple breakdowns to breakthroughs.
And then I found myself in toxic, unsatisfying relationships. Cue the breakdown and the transformation. I knew I would never settle for less than my heart and soul desired. And the type of relationship I wanted REQUIRED me to completely uplevel in so many ways – in my view of myself, my knowledge of what an amazing relationship even looked like, and what I would or wouldn’t accept in my life moving forward.
I learned how to love and value myself on an even deeper level, believe in my vision for what’s possible, and co-create that in my life.
And then OCD came along. This felt like the motherload. Yet again, I had to completely breakdown. I had to wildly embrace uncertainty, deep and persistent levels of anxiety, and the fact that no one was going to do the work for me. It was up to me.
Yet again, I made it through. I peeled back more layers, learned a shit ton about how to have amazingly beautiful emotional and mental health, and looked fear in the face EVERYDAY until it had no power over me anymore.
And as I find myself yet again going through a breakdown, at first it was a struggle. There’s been moments where I told myself, “I don’t know if I have it in me to do this again!”
Although this time what I’m working on and growing into is EXCITING (rather than digging myself out of a hole, I’m building a castle), the same things still come up – fear, doubt, and uncertainty.
I still have to face my fears, dig up old beliefs that are keeping me at my current normal, and practice a new and unfamiliar way of being, each and everyday.
I had to switch from “I don’t know if I have it in me to do this again!” to “I CAN do this again!”
I’ve taken bigger risks in my life than I’ve ever taken. Followed by so much fear.
But the biggest difference is – I know exactly what’s happening, and I’m totally ok with it. I realize that this is required. You have to shake things out that are no longer serving you, to make space for all the blessings that are about to pour in.
When you resist the process, you resist the growth as well. You resist the dream.
So if you’re going through something right now, I encourage you to let things fall apart. Let yourself acknowledge what’s NOT working, so that you can start to find out what will.
I’ll be sharing more next week about the exact steps I took to create the transformations in my life in so many areas, from loving myself, to having amazing relationships, to being able move from anxiety to feeling peace, confidence and joy. So stay tuned for that.
And in the meantime, know that you are perfectly where you’re are meant to be!