This week, I wanted to share about how to feel more connected in your relationships. And I was going to write steps and how-to’s.
In fact, I wrote a whole other article with just that. But as I was writing it, it just didn’t feel right…
Although that’s important, this is such a matter of the heart. So I needed to purely write this from the heart (which is a part of us that isn’t as concerned with steps and how-to’s).
It’s such an interesting topic, because when we’re talking about connection, what we’re really talking about is love. Love and connection go hand in hand. I believe we want connection for the purpose of love.
So as I started to write those how-to’s, what really came forward were three things: Vulnerability, Courage, and Loving Kindness.
And all of these three things are under the umbrella of your relationship with yourself first.
Your love and connection with others will be a direct reflection of your love and connection with yourself, so we always start there.
When I went to my first retreat all about relationships, back in 2015, I remember being surprised and at the same time it was like I just WOKE UP and it all made sense. I expected the days to be filled with information and transformation around romantic relationships… But 95% of the time we worked on ourselves! It was about our experience, our beliefs, and any baggage that we were holding on to.
The stuff about others mattered, but it came later.
So if you want to feel more connection in your relationship, THIS is the place to start. It’s these three things: Vulnerability, Courage, and Loving Kindness.
More specifically, it’s in learning how to be more vulnerable with yourself, which means being really honest with yourself. It means showing yourself that it’s safe to do so, and taking the time for it, which might look like time at night journaling (whoops, here I go with the how-to’s, haha! I can’t help myself.)
What is true for your right now, that you haven’t wanted to acknowledge?
What are the emotions that you haven’t allowed yourself to really feel, for one reason or another?
Is there something or someone you haven’t grieved, or something you’re not letting go of?
Questions like that – those ones we don’t always want to ask ourselves… The things that have us feeling exposed, yet deep down they so deeply want to be expressed, seen, and heard, so that we can move forward and feel lighter.
Vulnerability, although it can be scary, allows us to feel lighter and more free, and gives us space to know that we are good enough just as we are, and that our most real and authentic self is worthy of love.
The more you can do this with yourself, the more you can do this with others. And vulnerability creates real, deep connection.
And as it can be scary and intimidating to do this kind of work, that’s why Courage is such a component of our connection with ourselves and with others.
I can think of countless conversations over the years that I’ve had with close friends or family that were so intimidating, it was like I just had to rip the bandaid off, dive into the deep end, and trust I’d learn to swim when I got there. These were the type of conversations where I inevitably found myself speaking through my tears, because there was so much being released in getting really honest and sharing from a vulnerable place.
Needless to say, courage required.
In order to have that courage, bit by bit, I built within myself enough safety and security to know that no matter what, I’d be there for myself. I also built safety and security through faith – trusting that everything happens for a good reason, and I’m divinely supported in all ways.
And the third thing that really came through me as I explored what creates connection was Loving Kindness. When you speak from this place, to either yourself or others, you speak your truth. It’s very different than speaking purely from your emotions, and it comes from that deep soul, higher-self place within you.
When you come from a place of love, no matter what comes out, you can’t go wrong.
I know I’m coming from a place of love based on how it feels within me. Although I might be feeling a whole range of emotions, there’s also this sense of calm and almost like an anchor dropped into my core. And it’s that deep feeling place that I’m listening to and speaking or acting from. I didn’t always know how to discern the difference, but as I nurtured my relationship with myself, it became totally clear.
With all of this, it’s not a click-your-fingers kind of process. Like any relationship, it’s something that you nurture over time. And hopefully through reading this you know your next baby step. Those baby steps over time can create massive transformation.
I’d love to hear from you. What are you taking away from this? What’s your biggest insight? What questions do you have?
If you’d like some 1:1 support in this area, let’s chat. By now you know I LOVE connecting 😊 You can book a time here.
Sending you all my love!