How to Grow through Change and Challenges
How do you find the strength to face change head on, when it can be so scary? I used to avoid it at all costs, not wanting to feel uncomfortable or afraid… Yes, change is scary. But when we find the courage and perspective to face change, it can be the very things that set you free.
On the path to your highest self (and the life you dream of living), there are going to be things that you cannot go around. You have to go THROUGH them.
I’m experiencing one of those such times right now.
And my encouragement to you is to get curious. With curiosity, rather than resistance, judgement, or other ways to try to just “go around it”, you can actually learn what you may need to learn here, in whatever your challenge is.
If you’ve gone through any big change (or even a small or medium one), then you’ve likely experienced what I’m sharing about. The process (for me) goes something like this:
I make a decision to claim what it is I want, I take a leap forward and/or the very thing I’ve been wanting begins to become a reality in my life.
And then the next likely occurrence is anxiety and fear. In years past, before doing the work, confusion labeled as “bad” would be part of that as well. There would be a rush to try to “figure it out”.
And this is where my pattern splits off into two - the old way, and the new way.
I’ll share on both so that you can learn from my struggles, and hopefully struggle less yourself.
The old way -
After steps 1 and 2, the following would occur:
3. Freak out - “Why do I feel SO anxious? What’s wrong with me? There must be something wrong with me. I need to feel better now! Why is this happening? Maybe this was a bad decision. Maybe this is bad. Something bad is definitely happening. What am I going to do?!”
4. Seek out help / try to “fix” this - This step can either help you or hurt you, depending on how you use it. For me, I used it in a way that hurt me, without knowing it. Ways that hurt me:
Trying to “help” myself by coping or doing other unhealthy things with my emotions other than feeling them (such as judging them or trying to “fix” them). (Grab my free Emotional Ease Guidebook if this is an issue for you.)
Seeking outside reassurance before even taking a moment to check-in inside.
In these ways, I never allowed myself to just have the experience. I let the fear and discomfort take control, and direct me to try to go around the change or the challenge.
The new way -
Step one happens, and then I feel the fear and anxiety in step two. And then…
I get curious.
I ask, “Isn’t that interesting?”
This is a great place to take some time to breathe. Your nervous system is in overdrive, and chances are, your mind is moving quickly.
And through this pause and allowing, I’m able to see common patterns. I’m able to get a little perspective on my experience, and remember that it is ok to feel these things. It is ok to be afraid.
Our feelings are not facts, they are simply messengers. Same thing with the judgements. They’re here to help show us something.
So in this process of change and leaping forward that I’m currently in, through loving curiosity, I was able to identify the judgements coming up - something along the lines of what the ones I listed in step three. And instead of seeing them as the facts that they felt like, I gave myself some time to breathe. I let myself feel my emotions. ALL of them. I let the emotions speak. For a moment what my emotions needed to say was, “Maybe I should just quit it all! I don’t want to feel uncomfortable! I’m over this.” It wasn’t all that pretty :) And I was totally fine with that!
It was what needed to happen in order to move through. If I didn’t allow myself to have that experience, I’d still be stuck in the front of it.
When we allow ourselves to have our experience, no judgement, and know that it is happening for a divine reason, we can learn what we need to learn, and we can grow.
Tony Bennett says, “Life teaches you how to live it…”
Having been through many growth processes, and the challenges that I was graced with through an eating disorder and OCD, I know how very normal it is for these emotions to come up when we take a leap, make a change, or even when blessings come our way.
I’ve learned that when we feel uncomfortable in these ways, if we can just be with ourselves and allow ourselves to move through it, then THAT is when it can be transformed.
We can’t do this by running away, or trying to go around it.
I now know that confusion precedes clarity. It’s ok to feel confused. You don’t have to know why this is happening. You just have to trust and allow. You’re right on the edge of something amazing.
And the magic is in the action. So if we truly want to create the life we’re dreaming of, we have to feel the fear, and do it anyway. We must take aligned action, even if it’s going to bring up anything that still needs healing. ESPECIALLY if it’s going to bring up anything that needs healing. WITH GRATITUDE that it’s going to bring up anything that needs healing.
That is the journey. Through this growth, and through facing what feels scary but is just a part of us that needs some light - through this, we are free.
People say change is scary. And that may be true - I used to avoid it at all costs. But with some strength, understanding, and a little bit of perseverance, these challenges can be the very things that set you free.
Sending you so much love sweet one! ❤️