How to Loosen the Grip of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is something that can keep us stuck or stop us dead in our tracks. It can quickly drain us of our energy and leave us feeling powerless. But, when we shift our view of mistakes, and understand what’s underneath that fear of messing up, we can start taking our power back and feeling more free. Perfectionism doesn’t have to control you if you don’t want it to.

Happy Summer!! OMG I am SO excited for the beautiful weather and the summer months ahead ☀️😎 (here in the Northern Hemisphere - If you're reading this in the Souther Hemisphere, Happy Winter!)

I've noticed that lately I've had even more of a bird's eye view on patterns - what works for people, and what doesn't work. It's made me look at the patterns in my own life, especially the ones where I've created shifts in the recent years, and noticed the biggest impact.

One thing that’s shifted a lot for me over the past several years is my ability to let myself **make mistakes**.

For most of my life, I avoided making mistakes at all costs. Even so much so that it was a big part of what fed into having anxiety disorders.

I’m sure many of you can relate to how much perfectionism or achievement obsessions can really hold you hostage and keep you stuck!

When I slowed it down though and really looked closer, it wasn’t the making mistakes thing that really scared me or stopped me. Deep down, it was a belief that if I messed up, people would be upset with me, and I’d somehow lose love in my life.

Usually when we get to the root of our obstacles, it’s something much deeper than the surface level of the obstacle itself. It can even be a fear that if you make a mistake you’ll somehow die.

Not joking there, that’s often at the root when we drill down the fear.

Knowing this, I was able to question that belief. AND, all the while, I was building within myself the deep love, respect, and value that I have for myself. When you create that within yourself, there’s less of this pull to “get” it outside of you, or think that you could somehow lose it.

You realize your completeness was there all along. ❤️

And you realize that no mistake could ever touch that.❤️

I’ve had way more fun and freedom these past few years as I’ve allowed myself to experiment and just jump in!

Last year was especially significant for this. I joined a 6-month mastermind, and at the very start of it, I knew that my success was going to be dependent on my ability to let myself experiment and make mistakes.

It’s not that I never hesitate anymore - that tendency for perfectionism and the fear of messing up still comes up. But, when it does, I relate to it differently. And I respond differently. I'm more empowered to feel the fear, and do it anyway. I believe in myself and support myself more, and I understand that "mistakes" are actually a good thing.

I'm more lighthearted about it, and I recognize that this strategy I built years ago - to avoid making mistakes at all costs and try to always “get it right” - was meant to be helpful. But it doesn’t really get me the results that I want.

I started to realize that there was never failure, only feedback.

I started to view “mistakes” as actually success steps - they were the things that created clarity, confidence, learning, and growth!!

And even if a fear of messing up or making a mistake came up, I knew that it had nothing to do with my worth, value, or lovability. That gave me the freedom to move forward and give it a try, whatever it was 😊

What about you? 

• What’s your relationship like with mistakes?

• Do you view them as bad and avoid at all costs, or do you see them just as success steps on the way to where you want to go?

• What might be beneath the surface level fear of messing up?

• What would happen if you could be there for yourself so much so that you know - even if you made a mistake, you’d still love yourself unconditionally and cheer yourself on?

• What if you allowed “mistakes” to be totally permissible, and not only that, but welcomed? And viewed as the opportunity for clarity, confidence, learning, and growth?

• How would your life change? 

• What one thing would you do RIGHT NOW that you’ve been avoiding because you think you’ll mess it up or it won’t be good enough?

I’d love to hear from you about any of the above questions 😊 Share in the comments below.

If you’re interested in exploring those things that you know you’d do if you could shift your relationship with perfectionism, good-enoughness, and mistake-making (and get some solid tools to make change now), you can check out my coaching program here.

Have an amazing day and know that - you are enough, you are complete, and your “mistakes” are a required part of your success, if you’ll let them be 😘

Xoxo,

Angie

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